The Bad Guy Gets the Girl (Because Why Not)
by Perverted Little Angel
Summary: When you make thousands of decisions a day, any one could hold the weight of your entire future. What would change if Roxanne had made a different decision about how she looked at Megamind? How would things have gone differently for them? And what the hell just happened to Metro Man! WIP, no update schedule, have up to ch. 6 done, need reviews to decide if some things stay
1. Prologue

Megamind fanfic

A/N: So here's the deal with the rating. I believe in a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, which means a to me that a story is rated by its worst/best/dirtiest/darkest chapter. If there's one sex scene? The whole story's rated M, even if the rest should be rated T. There will be violence, sex, swearing, and general normal grittiness in this story. Almost all of it will be PG-13, but when those few scenes I do require an M, It's going to be forewarned to you. For now, I'm posting this unedited. I will look at any reviews and see if they think I need to keep or remove certain scenes (mostly the few sex scenes I will do) and act accordingly, removing those scenes that are deemed overall unnecessary.

 **Prologue**

"You foul fiend! You'll never get away with this!"

"Muwahahahahahahaha! Oh I think I'll do more than get away with it. When I'm done this time, I'll be the ruler of metrocity! And there's nothing you can- Minion what's going on? Why is the robot not moving forward? Please tell me you put gas in the – OH for god's sake! If you knew you could stop me so easily, why did you bother with the banter?! I don't need your pity, I am Megamind, incredibly handsome- Oh that's real mature, Metro Mahn! Just start punching other people's stuff! Sheesh, no regard for private property! Minion, bring me the-"

"And this was the scene broadcast throughout Metro City today as Metro Man foiled Megamind's latest evil plot to take over the city. I was personally in that cockpit with them, having been kidnapped as bait to lure in the hero and I will personally attest to Metro Man's bravery in the face of such pure evil! His protection lets us all sleep well at night, and I for one am grateful for that. This is Roxanne Ritchi reporting to you live from in front of the Metro City Correctional Facility for the Criminally gifted where Metro Man has just returned Megamind to his newly rebuilt and newly reinforced cell. Let's try to get a few words from the man of the hour."

Looking behind her, Roxanne waved to Wayne as she saw him walking out of the prison with a few guards in tow expressing their gratitude. The hero saw her, then smiled and floated quickly to her side.

"Metro Man, thank you once again for your speedy rescue. I never feel like I'm truly in danger as long as I know you're there to rescue me."

The hero laughed and said happily, "Of course, Roxanne. You know I'll always come to rescue you when that Vile Villain thinks he can use you as bait to get to me!"

Roxanne gave a large smile and asked, "And so I have to ask, were you at all scared this time? I mean that was a pretty impressive machine Megamind concocted to defeat you. Did he truly stand any chance?"

His smile never faltered as he replied, "Where there is evil, good will rise up. I think it doesn't matter if I could have defeated it easily or not, good must always rise up in the face of evil."

Roxanne was a little frustrated by the non answer, but showed no signs and finished, "Well you certainly make it look easy, whatever the case me be. Anything you want to say to the people of Metro City?"

He looked into the camera and said into the mic, "Never fear, my good citizens, I will always be the soothing balm that cures the itch of evil!"

Roxanne rolled her eyes inwardly, but said into the camera, "Well there you have it, folks. Straight from the hero's mouth to your ears, we will always find a hero in Metro Man. This is Roxanne Ritchi, signing off."


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Roxanne was sitting in the car, waiting quietly as she watched the prison roof. She knew just how he was going to escape this time, and she had no doubts that the plan was going to succeed. Still, she had her concerns about something suddenly changing. She knew that with his clockwork plans any small deviation would likely get someone hurt. Still, it was more boredom that made her fidget rather than concern. He never really did hurt anyone, did he?

Checking her watch, she saw that it was about time. Looking back, she waited, and waited, and waited…

And waited…

A loud explosion shook the building, and she saw debris flying from a large hole in the roof that appeared, then there he was, wearing a jetpack and laughing maniacally as he looked down at the gaurds trying pointlessly to shoot him. All the bullets did was stop inches from him, then rain down as the field released them, mostly harmless chunks of lead and copper that merely stung as their own weight and velocity sprinkled the guards. Giving a salute, he then turned in midair and began flying toward her. Panicking momentarily, she wondered what he was doing.

When he got near, she growled a little and suddenly unlocked the doors. He landed quickly, Minion right behind him with his own jetpack. They made a comical pair: the skinny, bald, blue alien with the expanded head, and the large mechanical ape suit with a sentient fish in a bowl on top controlling it. Still nobody could deny they made an excellent pair. Their schemes, while always stopped by Metro Man, were always elaborate and seemed like they would work if not for the man who could lift buildings full of people if need be.

When they both entered the car, she moved aside as he squeezed in next to her. Annoyed though she might be, she could not deny the relief she felt every time they saw each other after he went to prison. He swung his arms around her and their lips met in a passionate kiss. She had to admit she loved the smell of motor oil and metal and natural musk that surrounded him. It hadn't always turned her on like it did now, but after years of smelling it when they were together, she had come to associate it with him…

…And him turned her on something fierce!

Finally, after their impassioned kiss, she looked at him with a disapproving scowl and said, "I told you to stop flying straight to me! They're going to see you heading this way and start to figure out where you parked the invisible car. Invisible doesn't mean intangible, you know."

"Invisible: unable to be seen; not visible to the eye. Intangible: unable to be touched or grasped; not having physical presence. You seem to forget, my dear, I am a genius."

She rolled her eyes and said wryly, "Well for a genius, you sure don't always do the smart thing."

He chuckled at her gibe and said, "Well that's because you make me a little crazy with love. I suppose you'll just have to take over the evil plans from now on. Oh wait, wouldn't that be unethical? Manipulating the news, and all. What a conundrium. Minion?"

"Yes, sir," asked the amphibious assistant.

"Could you research loopholes in morality about manipulating the news? I think if we can find an ethical way for her to do so, we should let miss Ritchi do our planning from now on. Perhaps our success rate will be a little higher."

The fish saluted and said, "I'll get right on that, sir."

Roxanned huffed and said, "Alright, boys, I get it. I just don't want you getting put away sp quickly after escaping. I want to be able to spend a _little_ time with you before they lock you up again. I get so… _lonely_ at night when you're away."

Megamind's heart-rate sped up as he thought about how he kept her from getting _lonely_ at nights. They would surely be up all night tonight. Instead of indulging her, he said, "Well, my sweet, I don't think there's a force on earth that's going to drag me away from you tonight."

She rolled her eyes, then replied with some bite to her tone, "Well, there is one force, and if you let him know right where you are, he could come and drag you off whenever he felt like it, so please try to be a little more discreet in your escapes so he doesn't get involved. I'd prefer to have you to myself and not have to share you."

He smiled and said placatingly, "Alright, dear, I shall endeavor to be more discreet. In the meantime, I feel like Chinese. It's amazing what you crave when you're in the joint! Minion! Order us up our usual, would you?"

Minion had already begun driving and replied without looking back, "Yes, sir, right away."

Roxanne smiled at the butler-fish, wondering at his obedience. She had asked him once if he was unhappy with his role, and the aquatic companion explained how Megamind had offered him his freedom should he ever want it, and the fish never once felt the desire to do so, enjoying the company of his blue friend and master.

Turning back at the genius in question, she looked at his head where she knew he had bumped it when Wayne had attacked the robot. Metro Man had come in with one of his signature showy entrances and in the process, had knocked some debris through the cabin. Lucky for her, Megamind had put his personal forcefield on her so she would be protected should anything go wrong, be he had forgotten to bring one for himself, so as Wayne had punched the cabin to bits, destroying Megamind's creation, he hadn't noticed the debris flying everywhere, and some of it had flown right at her lover's head. Megamind had hardly paid it any mind, stumbling, but continuing to rant at his nemesis as he destroyed his work.

She may not have had it in for Wayne the way her boyfriend did, but knowing what had transpired between the two of them, and how easily he could change Megamind's situation and didn't, she held no love for the man. When he did things like this, she couldn't help but want to join her boyfriend in his attempts to finally land a hit on the hero.

 _She had thought, like everyone else, that Megamind's goal was to kill the hero and take over the city. One night, though, after she had drank a few too many and gone home. Later on, she woke to find herself in a very comfortable bed and, although cuffed, was otherwise feeling much better. She felt something odd about her left arm and, looking over, found an IV drip inserted. She momentarily began to panic, wondering if perhaps Megamind had suddenly decided to go a bit darker with his plans. She couldn't move to take it out, but she tried anyway. Suddenly the door opened and Megamind strode in with Minion right behind him. They checked a computer monitor momentarily, before saying, "Ms. Ritchi, I see you are awake. How are you feeling?"_

 _She was actually pretty scared this time, since this was only the third or fourth time Megamind had kidnapped her, she had yet to understand what these kidnappings actually entailed. Keeping her calm façade she had perfected in journalism school, she said evenly, "I'm feeling fine, thanks for asking. Might I ask what is in my arm?"_

 _Megamind politely answered, "I found you in a state of drunken stupor when we came to kidnap you. You were so out of it we didn't even need to use the knockout spray. You sleep like the dead when you're drunk, did you know?"_

 _Roxanne did in fact know, due to a few friends mentioning it in college. She rarely drank, thanks to an incident where she woke up with all her friends standing and staring down at her as they admired their handiwork they had drawn on her in her sleep. She had taken it well enough at the time, but vowed to never drink like that again. The only reason she had drank so much the night before was her life piling up on her. Her mother was pushing her to pursue a relationship with the city's resident hero, despite her own protestations that she didn't find him attractive. Her boss was pushing her to try to get an interview with the Villain, even though she told him that she didn't want to go anywhere near the man who had already kidnapped her three times now, threatening her with an alligator pit the last time. Her pay was not nearly enough for all the shit she had to deal with, so she was living in a crappy apartment where her idiot neighbors would stay up all night fucking or playing loud music, and the landlord didn't care, so long as he got paid._

 _Continuing, Megamind explained, "Now the problem with that is that I need you to be my bait to draw out the buffon in white spandex, and I can't very well have you looking like I had drugged you. So I have been using a mixture of saline and nanobots that are cleansing the alcohol from your system. Do not worry, I have made sure that once they've done their job, they will flush from your system. I will not have some tracking system inside of you to monitor your whereabouts. I can find you just fine on my own, thank you very much."_

 _Roxanne was skeptical of this declaration, but she doubted there was anything she could do about it if he did, anyway, so instead, she stayed calm and said, "Thank you for the remedy. I think I'm feeling better now, so is there any way you could remove this IV? It's kind of uncomfortable."_

 _Megamind snapped to attention and came over briskly, saying, "Of course, Ms. Ritchi. I wouldn't want to be rude to a guest."_

 _She couldn't help herself as she said sarcastically, "I don't think a kidnappee counts as a guest."_

 _Megamind looked her in the eyes and said completely seriously, "Of course they are. You may be an unwilling guest, but you are still indeed a guest, and as such should be treated with nearly all the same courtesy, of course minus anything that involves you running around free."_

 _She couldn't stop the wry smile she gave him and said, "Gee, you're such a gentleman. Am I supposed to suddenly drop my panties and throw myself at you? Is that it? Enamor myself with the debonair villain?"_

 _Megamind looked at her strangely for a few moments, before responding, "Well I am MegaMind, incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy. I would imagine that woman would be lining up to 'drop their panties and throw themselves at me.' However, I would never take advantage of such weak-willed little women. I need a queen who could rule by my side when I take over Metorcity!"_

 _Roxanne sighed exasperatedly and corrected, "Geez, dude, it's Metro City! Don't you know how to speak English properly? You know people laugh at you when you say things like that?"_

 _Megamind gave her a sharp look, before standing back, with the IV already removed and a bandage on her arm to stop the bleeding, and began to recite from Shakespearewith perfect English:_

If by your art, my dearest father, you have  
Put the wild waters in this roar, allay them.  
The sky, it seems, would pour down stinking pitch,  
But that the sea, mounting to the welkin's cheek,  
Dashes the fire out. O, I have suffered  
With those that I saw suffer: a brave vessel,  
Who had, no doubt, some noble creature in her,  
Dash'd all to pieces. O, the cry did knock  
Against my very heart. Poor souls, they perish'd.  
Had I been any god of power, I would  
Have sunk the sea within the earth or ere  
It should the good ship so have swallow'd and  
The fraughting souls within her.

 _Megamind finished reciting the selection then looked her dead in the eye, and sang from one of his favorite songs, Welcome to the Jungle by Guns N Roses:_

Welcome to the jungle,

we take it day by day

If you want it you're going to bleed,

but it's the price you pay

And you're a very sexy girl,

very hard to please

You can taste the bright lights,

but you won't get there for free

In the jungle, welcome to the jungle

Feel my, my, my serpentine,

(I want to hear you scream!)

 _Now grinning smugly, he looked at her and said, "What I can and cannot understand are probably beyond your feeble earth mind could ever hope to comprehend. What I do know, however, is it infuriates many citizens when I mispronounce their primitive language, and so I use that to harass them at every turn. It especially infuriates my nemesis, your boyfriend in tights."_

 _Roxanne scoffed involuntarily, before she could catch herself. Maybe she hadn't been completely cured of her hangover, if she was unguarded enough to let out her real emotion. She had managed to school them pretty well back in broadcasting class. Now this annoying genius was able to get out of her what even some hardened criminals couldn't in interviews she had done._

 _The genius of course took note of it, but thought nothing of it, figuring she was scoffing at his evil habits. He grinned, figuring he had ruffled her feathers with his gibe at her recently rumored relationship with the city's golden boy. He looked at the monitor that was feeding him the diagnostics from the nanobots. Everything seemed to check out, so he looked to his victim and said, "Well, it looks like the alcohol has been purged from your system. I am going to shut down the nanobots, if you're ok with that. You might feel slightly lethargic for a couple hours once I do."_

 _Roxanne was still feeling scared for her safety, but she wanted whatever he had put in her out, so she said politely, "Yes, please. I would like them out of my system as soon as possible."_

 _Megamind nodded, then punched in a code and she felt a strange heaviness overtake her. Nothing drastic, just noticeable enough that it set her on edge. Megamind must have noticed, as he said, "Fear not, all you're feeling is your heart having to pump just a fraction harder to move the extra weight of the nanobots now that they are not propelling themselves. They will work their way out of your system throughout the next day or two. I think it might be a small price to pay for avoiding the hangover that was bound to follow your escapades last night."_

 _Roxanne felt a little silly having let her guard down knowing that she could be kidnapped by this lunatic any time. She supposed he was right, though, as her hangovers were legendary, sometimes lasting a full day, and once or twice into the day after that. She was grateful, though she'd never admit it, for that small victory over nature he had provided her._

 _Now that the business of making her presentable was over, he got back to the business at hand. "Now, Ms. Ritchi, it seems we have some business to get to. I think today I will introduce you to…_ 'the drill.' _I've heard such things are terrifying to humans."_

 _She was nervous, but she refused to show it, just like her gratitude for his hangover cure._

Roxanne smiled at the first sign she'd had that he was not truly a villain at all, but rather much like an elementary school child who teased the girl he liked, and threw tantrums when he was angry at someone.

 _Roxanne was now getting used to being his kidnapping victim. No matter what she tried, he always managed to find her to use as bait for his villainous plots. Even Wayne couldn't keep her safe when Megamind was determined, although it probably didn't help that she didn't let the overblown windbag keep her near him. She had a career, after all, and she just wasn't attracted to him, so she declined his offer to let her live with him, as politely as she could. After all, she did want the exclusive rights to his interviews he gave her._

 _Today, she was strapped to a rather comfy armchair and Megamind had provided her a positively delicious fruit cocktail, minus any alcohol of course. She did not want to be intoxicated around him, lest he take advantage of her despite his claims he wouldn't. He was a villain, after all, so how could she trust his word. On the other hand, she had been questioning that lately. He had really never treated her badly, and she couldn't remember ever hearing any reports of harm or casualties to the citizenry, just their property. He had a knack for destruction. If he had gone into a legit career, he would have made a fortune in demolitions._

 _Watching as the man argued with his minion and typed things into various computers, rolling in his chair all around the room. It almost made her dizzy watching. She saw that he had a smile on his face, and it did not look particularly villainous, but rather like an excited child. It was like he enjoyed the planning, the preparation, and the execution more than he cared about the results. Despite the failures, Roxanne had to admit his plans were spectacular to watch. He really did understand showmanship._

 _Too curious to stop her investigative instincts, she asked, "Hey, Megamind. You wanna fill me in on your plan? I'm a little tied up at the moment, so I could use some entertainment. You did say you don't like being rude to guests, so entertain me."_

 _Megamind didn't even break stride as he launched into an excited and detailed description of his plan, which involved genetically engineered crabs rising up and destroying all the fishing vessels, and when Metro Man came to stop them, he would rise up with his own giant mechanical crab and they would do battle. Roxanne was a little impressed, knowing full well he had a giant mechanical crab that indeed worked. Too bad he decidefd to fight Metro Man and it would inevitably be destroyed since that would be an amazing invention for the world otherwise._

 _Making this exact point to him, Megamind gave her a 'pish' of dismissal and said, "Miss Ritchi, I would never provide my inventions to the foolish human masses. They would only ever use them to destroy themselves and their own planet. They do a fine job of that without my own destructive devices given to them. Let them learn to do it more slowly on their own. Perhaps with time they can temper their baser instincts and then they can use such knowledge responsibly."_

 _She gave a mirthiless laugh and said, "Oh that's rich. You talking about people being too destructive! You are the most destructive one in this entire city, and you wanna go on about how humans are too violent and thoughtless? Remind me how many life sentences you are supposed to be serving now?"_

 _He proudly proclaimed, "73! And I intend to make it infinite! I will make them hate me more than any other in history!"_

 _She rolled her eyes and said, "So why do you think humanity is the irresponsible race?"_

 _He sighed, stopped whatever he had been doing at his current monitor, then wheeled over to her, and explained, "If you look, every one of those convictions was for property damage- magnificent work, I might add- and I have never let an innocent civilian be harmed in my schemes. ALSO, if you paid close attention, I always make sure my brainbots clean up the worst damage done to the city."_

 _Roxanne felt a little thrill at her own powers of observation. She was right, he did make sure people were safe during his schemes! He only ever target her and Metro Man, and he never hurt her- in fact he went out of his way to make sure she was comfortable during the lead up to the actual confrontation, and then only threatened her in front of the cameras or the rare occasion where he made a public announcement he would make sure it appeared she was in danger in front of the citizens. She, however, had stopped feeling any real fear that he would hurt her. He made sure to monologue long enough for Metro Man to show up so he had a chance to save her and then he could still appear to be a legitimate threat to her to aggravate Metro Man._

 _Wanting to dig deeper, she asked, "So tell me, oh_ _incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy, why do you even try to be a villain if you don't want to hurt people? Do you just get your rocks off getting stopped by Metro Man? Is it some kind of sexual thing you do? There are clubs for stuff like that if all you want is a cheap thrill."_

 _He laughed and said, "Ms Ritchi, if all I wanted was some base pleasure, I need only snap my fingers and all those adoring fans would 'drop their panties and throw themselves at me.'"_

 _He gave a cocky grin and she 'humph'd' at him in stubborn refusal to laugh at the inside joke she had inadvertently created with her careless comment so long ago._

" _Again," he continued, "I have no need for such feckless pursuits. No, my prize is much greater. I will take Metro Man, this stupid city's false deity, and bring him to his knees for all to bear. Once they all see that even their false god can bleed, they will crawl over themselves to plead for my forgiveness. Then, I will rule Metrocity and the citizens will fear and respect me, not him!"_

 _Roxanne was a little surprised at his admission. It seemed that he was less interested in any power, but rather respect. For the rest of that scheme, she was lost in her head, not even paying attention when the two were mid-fight. Megamind shouted her name a couple times before she realized he had released her and told her to "ABANDON CRAB!"_


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Roxanne let out a sudden giggle at the thought of the incongruous phrase her boyfriend had screamed at the top of his lungs so long ago.

"What is it, my love," Megamind asked her.

She smiled and kissed his cheek as she replied, "Just reminiscing."

He scowled a little and said, "Oh please don't think about my past failures."

She shook her head a little and said, "Well if you think our relationship is a failure…"

He suddenly sat up straight and apologized profusely. She laughed at his begging that she forgive him and he would never call their relationship a failure, and he would make it up to her, and she should feel free to reminisce about whatever she so pleased and-

She put a finger to his lips and said, "Jeez, for the incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy to be brought to his knees by such an obvious tease, you really must be gullible."

Now he smiled and said, "For you, I'd be an imbecile."

Her heart swelled at the compliment. He always knew how to make her feel like a schoolgirl with a crush. She could remember the first time she had felt the stirrings of any real affection for the mad blue genius.

 _Today, Roxanne had dressed for the occasion, knowing full well she was going to be kidnapped. It was Metro Man Day, after all, and there was no way he was going to let the day pass without trying to ruin it for the city's hero._

 _True to form, she now sat at a table, detained, but this time in a cell so she could move freely. He had provided her with her favorite order of Chinese food, and she enjoyed as she watched him work. It was fairly entertaining. She saw him trying to corral a giant shark into a tank that he would be holding her over in the city square. She was actually really impressed with the size. He told her he'd raised it himself and fed it a special diet he had engineered himself. His plan this time seemed fairly conventional compared to his usual ones, until he explained that what appeared to be a regular missile launcher was actually loaded with a mixture that would turn the populace into zombies that would attack Metro Man. Knowing the hero would not be able to hurt them, Megamind would watch as the man restrained a large portion of the city's population, and once he was tired out, Megamind would swoop in with a new death ray he had invented and attempt to 'finally put a dent in that smug face of his!'_

 _As far as his plans went, she was really intrigued with this one and wished he would let her call her station so she could have someone hang back until it all started and come in and record it with a camera. He had compromised and agreed to provide her footage he recorded with his brainbots. She was actually a little touched that he wanted her to have such exclusive footage. She had started to enjoy his schemes knowing nobody would be getting hurt, and now just enjoyed how he broke up the monotony of her usual reports._

 _She saw him get a little too close to the edge and start to teeter like he was going to fall into the tank with the hungry shark. Suddenly she was afraid he would get hurt, and wanted to yell out to him, but just in time a brainbot came and grabbed him by the cape as his nose was about to hit the water then pulled him back to safety. She let out the breath she hadn't known she was holding. When she calmed down, she wondered why she cared so much if he got hurt. Sure he never really caused her any trouble, and in fact had helped her career immensely. Still, he was the villain… right?_

Roxanne sighed as she thought back to all the time she wrestled with her hesitation for her feelings. Initially she had outright denied them, believing that she shouldn't be falling for the bad guy. After all, wasn't the good guy supposed to get the girl? Although she had known there was no way she would ever go for Wayne, she had still thought he was the better option at first.

Instead, after two straight months of stressing herself out, she had come out and asked him about it.

 _She sat and admired how his muscles rippled as he held the chair and whip and corralled the lions into a cage. He was indeed incredibly handsome and a criminal genius, but she was now in severe doubt of him being the master of all villainy. He was so polite with her and considerate of other people's safety, and his hatred was truly directed at Metro Man. Today she just couldn't help herself._

" _You know, Megamind, I feel like-"_

" _QUIET WOMAN! Do you want to die?!"_

 _She was truly taken aback. He had never yelled at her unless he was putting on a show. She wondered if she had done something wrong to upset him. After he finished getting the lions into the cage, he wiped his brow, let out a huge breath, then turned to her and said, "I apologize, that was very rude of me. I was just a little preoccupied with making sure those lions didn't get loose. Now, what was it you were saying?"_

 _She was relieved that he had just been stressed about their safety, and continued, "I was saying I feel like we see each other a lot, and yet I know almost nothgin about you, other than you really aren't such a bad guy as you claim, and you hate Metro Man and the city with a burning passion."_

 _He scoffed and said, "Of course I'm bad! What makes you think otherwise?"_

 _She rolled her eyes and said, "Oh yes, you have me positively quaking in my boots with this delicious Chinese food and extremely comfortable bed- which is actually nicer than my own, can I have this when today's scheme is over? No, you aren't bad, you're just… I actually don't know what you are, but I've met bad people- people who've killed, raped, and destroyed lives. You take care to keep people safe, and you even keep me comfortable. What kind of villain does that?"_

 _He flustered for a moment, then said, "Well… well… I, uhh… I do threaten you with implements of sheer destruction on a regular basis! I put your life in danger all the time, how do you explain a not bad person doing that, huh miss smarty-pants?"_

'Smarty pants?' _she thought to herself. Chuckling a little, she said, "You've never once tried to actually hurt me, just give the illusion that you would. You're more like one of those Saturday morning cartoons where the villain is designed to fail and could never actually succeed. Why bother? Besides, I didn't ask about that, I asked you to tell me about yourself."_

 _He straightened and pulled his cape up over his face and threw it out dramatically, stating, "You know everything you need to know! I am Megamind, incredibly handsome criminal genius and-"_

" _Mater of all villainy, yeah, yeah, I know. But why? What made you want to be a villain when you could so easily have been an amazing good guy? Or even just a great inventor, at the very least?"_

 _He stared at her deep and hard for a moment, before he said quietly, "Why don't you ask Metro Man? After all, he's always right. He's the one people listen to."_

 _She could see the hurt in his face, and feel his pain almost radiating off of him. What had happened between those two that would make this genius do something so obviously dumb? Pushing deeper, she reassured, "I want to hear your side. After all, I spend so much more time with you than Metro Man…"_

 _He quirked a skeptical brow and said, "Oh yeah, you spend more time with me than with your boyfriend."_

 _She growled a little at this and said, "He's not my fucking boyfriend! Why the hell does everybody think that?!"_

 _Megamind was startled. He had assumed, much like everyone, that the beautiful reporter was dating the city's hero. The hero had never denied it, and neither had she, and they seemed to get along so well during their interviews. Doubting her, he replied, "If you're not dating, then why does he always come to your rescue?"_

 _She barked out a laugh and said, "He'd do the same for any citizen you dangled in front of him! He's just the hero, that's what they do! They save innocent people from the villain."_

 _Megamind considered this, She was right, he did seem to have that messiah complex thing going. Maybe he didn't actually_ need _to kidnap Ms. Ritchi to get his attention, just threaten some random citizen. However, the thought of not seeing her again sent an unexpected pain through him. What reason would they have to see each other if he didn't kidnap her?_

 _And why should he care?_

 _Shaking it off, he said, "Regardless, Ms. Ass re-part-er-"_

" _That's ace reporter, you jerk. Don't insult me!"_

 _He smiled with glee at her reaction, and said, "Well regardless, I still don't see what benefit I would get by telling you about my past. All that would happen is people would have more to laugh at me for when you go report my tale to the citizenry."_

 _She was taken aback. She hadn't realized he worried about people's opinions so much, nor did she realize he thought she was trying to get his story so she could report it. Trying to reassure him, she said, "I'm not asking to do a report, I'm just curious for my own personal benefit."_

 _He looked at her nonplussed and asked, "What personal benefit do you get knowing my past?"_

 _She floundered for an answer, but couldn't seem to come up with a good reason she would want to know. She didn't know if she was ready to admit out loud her attraction, but she definitely had admitted it to herself, and now she was having a hard time not acting on it. She wanted to get to know him, spend time with him other than when he kidnapped her, and perhaps… She tried desperately one last time to come up with an excuse, and when she failed, she just said, "Because I'm finding you so interesting and attractive that I want to get to know you."_

 _He stared for a moment, his face a mask, until finally he said, "Your tricks won't work on me, temptress. You may be beautiful, but_ I _am the genius here, and you won't outthink me."_

 _She smiled and asked coyly, "You think I'm beautiful?"_

 _His jaw dropped, then he palmed his face and groaned, before saying, "Wow, I can't believe I said that. Alright, yes, it is an obvious fact that you are attractive, that's no secret. However, I still am not going to fall for your trap of getting me to spill my guts to you so you can do a report about how you fooled me later."_

 _She growled frustratedly and said, "I'm saying I find you attractive and I want to try dating you, you buffoon! How thickheaded are you? I've done everything but throw myself at you naked! Do you even realize that I've been dressing up so provocatively every holiday when you've kidnapped me? That was to entice you, although I'm only now so done with trying to hide it that I can admit that's why I was doing it!"_

 _Megamind was definitely caught off guard. For all his genius, other people were a mystery to him, and especially females. He had grown up in a prison with cruel, rough, crude men, and so had at least some kind of understanding of them, but women… He hadn't spent time with any woman other than Ms. Ritch. Not since his shool days…_

 _Clearing his throat, he tried to hold up the façade of aloofness and said, "Well, of course you would fall for me, I am after all Megam-"_

" _Oh can the showy bullcrap. I'm not falling for it, so save that for the cameras. I am trying to ask you out, and you're being an idiot. Now tell me, are you at all interested in me or not?"_

 _He was at a loss. If she was tricking him and he said yes, she would have an endless means of tormenting him. On the other hand, if she was telling the truth, he did indeed find this turn of events intriguing. Maybe dating someone could be… fun. After all, the two of them did always seem to get along as he held her before his plans. And if he was honest with himself, he did always know that his interest in Ms. Ritchi was more than just his bait for the insufferable fool. He had always thought, however, that he didn't stand a chance as she was dating his nemesis, who was perfect in every way, so what reason would she have to leave Metro Man for a failure like him? After all, the bad guy doesn't get the girl._

 _Looking around, he couldn't see Minion anywhere, then remembered he had sent out the fish to get food for the lions. After all, for all their hard work in his plans, he intended to give them an extra special treat. Not knowing what else to do, he asked her, "Why me? I am the bad guy, after all… Wait, is this some sort of sexual fantasy or something? Sleep with the bad boy, and-"_

 _She let out a frustrated yell, and said very clearly, "This. Is. Not. A. Trick. I think you are attractive and smart, and funny, and interesting, and hot and… And I am so sick of doing what other people tell me! 'You should date Metro Man!' 'You should marry Metro Man!' 'You should have babies with Metro Man!' 'Make yourself prettier for the camera, Roxanne!' 'Do some nice fluff pieces to make people like you!' God, sometimes I just want to…"_

" _Build a giant robot and terrorize the city in revenge," he asked, grinning._

 _She looked at him, then gave an evil smirk and said, "YES! Yes, I wish I could just build a giant robot and use it to throttle people until they get that I am not some prissy little fucking doll! I am a smart, strong woman and I can take care of myself! I can choose who I date! I can choose how I fucking look!"_

 _He laughed and said, "Ah you sound so much like me in my early days! Always telling me I am a troublemaker, that I am to different, that my inventions are too dangerous! Well maybe if you fucking encouraged me once in a while, Mrs. Fatass, I would be able to fix them and make something you could all enjoy, but nooooo, you have to dote on your precious little golden boy just because he looks normal and isn't smarter than you. Newsflash, you are teaching preschool! A rock is smarter than you! And it would do a better job teaching the kids!"_

 _Roxanne was surprised he had let that slip, but now that the floodgates were open, he went on a rant about all the people who had abused him, taunted him, ignored him. He lamented the loss of his childhood and how that asshole Wayne (so he_ did _know who Metro Man was!) had stolen his birthright and he should have been the one raised in luxury, not a goddamned prison where he was taught how to pickpocket before he was taught how to say hello! She really felt for him, and she realized why he did all these ridiculous plans. He only wanted petty revenge and attention. Even bad attention was something for him. All his failures now shown in a different light. Rather than good triumphing over evil, it was a sad little boy being made to look like a fool, no matter how brilliant he actually was._

 _Clearing her throat, he looked at her and she said, "Hey, how about we… skip the plan for today and just… hang out? I mean we've got Chinese food here and we could just… I don't know, watch movies and talk?"_

After that, it had all progressed rather like a normal relationship, with the addition of having to hide it from people. Sure, she had tried to convince him to give up the evil plans, but he said he had to somehow manage to put a dent in Wayne's smug face before he could give it up. She had let it go, figuring Wayne never seriously fought back against him, and Megamind was determined on this, so she just chalked it up as a good boost for her career and a passion for her beloved genius.

Over the next three years, they had gone on many a date (in disguise, of course), and had progressed their relationship quite far. At this point, she spent more time at Evil Lair than at her own apartment, thanks to the secret rail system Megamind had installed under her apartment complex for her. She had turned their room (at this point is was as much hers as his) into a very comfortable home for them. Minion had taken some time to trust her, but he was now like a family to her. He often helped her out with research on her stories. Megamind had even taken to lowering the number of times he attacked the city so they could spend time together.

They took walks in the park, and she'd even convinced him to take a cooking class together- for all his genius, the man could burn water. She even talked about plans for the future with him, maybe someday having children. If anybody could figure out a way for them to do it, it was her azure genius.

And of course the sex was incredible. Oh sure, he had floundered at first, having no experience with women, but he was a genius, after all, and he learned very quickly what pleased her… and what teased her. He had learned how to make her beg for it when he was feeling particularly devilish. She had come to love his playful streak especially both in the bedroom and out, and wouldn't change it for anything.


	4. Chapter 3

**WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A LEMON! I am a bit rusty, but I gave it a shot for now. Nonetheless, this chapter and a few others are why the whole story is rated M. Even with the lemon, I feel the rest of the chapter deserves a T, and the lemon is clearly marked and not integral to understanding the story, but provides some context for where their relationship is. Skip if you don't like or don't care.**

 **I ask for reviews especially about this chapter not about whether the lemon is well written, though I don't mind if you do and always appreciate constructive criticism or praise, but because I want to know if the lemon needs to stay or go. I don't think a good story needs gratuitous fuck scenes or violence, but I don't think they should necessarily be shied away from if you are trying to do slice-of-life stories since sex and violence are part of real everyday life. Just let me know if it feels shoehorned in or if it feels like it fits into the flow.  
**

 **Chapter 3**

Now that he had broken out of prison, they had planned to take a vacation, the first one she had had since she moved here, and his first ever. She wanted him to see other parts of the world in a relaxed way, just being a tourist and enjoying himself. She couldn't wait to show him her favorite thing ever: camping! She had grown up with a father who loved to hunt and fish, and he had dragged his family with him at least once every other year, and she would go with him every year. She enjoyed the outdoors, and while she wasn't as big a fan of killing and gutting the animals, she did enjoy the rewards of the hunt, so she had learned and suffered through it for the tasty treats it provided.

Megamind was still nervous about this. What might happen in his absence? Maybe Wayne would come looking for them and would ruin it, or maybe he'd find Evil Lair and destroy it, or maybe…

He stopped his thoughts on the matter, having promised Roxanne he would do this with her. She deserved as much normalcy as he could provide, and if that meant leaving his home for a week and a half to enjoy the outdoors, then so be it. He might even enjoy himself, being able to be with her outside without the disguises. He loved her so much, and knew that he couldn't live his life without her after knowing what it was like with her. He had never truly felt a reason for life other than anger and revenge. Now he was starting to enjoy doing… well normal things.

The cooking classes may have been superfluous with Minion around, but he enjoyed doing it with Roxanne. The walks were quickly becoming the highlight of his day. Sure he enjoyed his inventing, pushing the boundaries of reality and learning to bend the universe to his will was an amazing feeling and he could never stop, but sitting and calmly talking about what a cloud looked like, or enjoying laughing at people's incongruity, like yelling at a phone screen in the middle of a serene park, or perhaps a child telling a parent how they were supposed to play on the slide.

Now that they were going camping he wanted to research how this thing worked, but Roxanne had forbade him from doing so. She had told him that camping was not supposed to be about studying, it was to get lost in the beauty and power of nature. You were supposed to live off the land, enjoy your environment, and get scraped, cut, and bruised all in the name of fun. Megamind didn't really get it, but he figured she must have some idea what she was talking about or else she wouldn't purposely subject herself to it. Instead he just made sure to set up a well-stocked first-aid kit.

Minion was actually a little excited for the trip. He was not going with the, but rather had opted to go out for his own trip into the ocean. He was excited to go spend a week with other fish. Sure they didn't have his sentience, but that didn't matter to him. He was just happy to go exploring. He had decided to go to the Great Barrier Reef. Sir had provided him a special device that he could wear that would provide some assistance for him. There was a tracker built in that if he so needed it, he could call his suit to himself and it would be delivered by self-driving rocket bike, and also a camera to record some of his adventures. There was even a few test tubes that he would be able to use to collect samples of particularly interesting flora and fauna.

Megamind's only regret was he would not be able to harass Metro Mahn for the entire trip. Roxanne had made him promise to just enjoy himself. He had promised he would, but he wasn't sure how he was going to do it. He was obsessed with his life's work of making the god bleed, and giving him even a moment where he wasn't devoting his entire being to finding a way to do so felt like a betrayal of his own soul. His two passions in life were colliding, and he was having a hard time reconciling which had a greater hold on him.

Tonight, however, it was time to play catch-up. They had both been fairly busy the week leading up to his latest scheme and had neglected their nighttime activities. They had managed a couple rushed, passion-filled moments together, and those had helped, but there was nothing like taking their time and truly enjoying themselves. He doubted they would get much sleep tonight.

Waking up the next morning, Roxanne felt deliciously tired. Her blue lover had made feel like the only woman in the world, and in turn she had made him feel like he could fly to the moon without a rocket. It had been slow, teasing, and amazing, and built up and built up until they had been sure Wayne would hear them and come crashing through the roof to find them entangled in the throes of passion. Minion had once come over the intercom once to tell them to keep it down, and Megamind had replied with a very harsh sounding phrase in his native language. Minion had not said another word to them since.

Looking at the man she now cuddled up to, she thought about how perfectly things seemed to be going for them. Sure he was still a villain to the public, but that was by design, and she had come to accept that he liked it that way. He had every reason to be angry with them, and if he had taken revenge directly on the, she didn't know she could fault him. Instead, he merely destroyed some of their property and harassed only the one man who had really been his greatest source of grief. Roxanne didn't hate him perhaps because from her outside perspective, she didn't think Wayne did it on purpose and saw that he just thought he was doing the right thing in a given situation. She did, however, hate that he hadn't tried to help Megamind when they were both in such similar positions. They were both the last of their races, even from the same galaxy, and that should count for something. They should stick together at least a little since nobody else could truly understand their situations the way each other could.

Thinking about Wayne, she sighed. Somehow Wayne still had no idea about their relationship. Roxanne figured he should be able to tell, however she chalked it up to his massive ego. He never paid attention to anybody but himself. Sure he helped people and he wanted to do the right thing, but he was self-absorbed, spoiled, and overall ignorant of what it was like to be anything but a happy, rich super-hero. He didn't understand struggle and so he was a true idealist. That was so obnoxious about him. She wished he could come down off his pedestal. Maybe if he apologized to her man, he would be able to start forgiving and moving on. She didn't believe Megamind would ever truly be able to get over the hurt he had suffered since it was so ingrained in him now, but she wanted him to find some kind of inner peace so they could move on without having to hide.

For right here and now, however, she figured she wanted a little encore of last night. So grinning evilly, she began to slip under the covers down her blue man's body, enjoying the way his skin felt and the quiet muscles underneath it.

 *****WARNING! LEMON AHEAD! WARNING! LEMON AHEAD! WARNING! LEMON AHEAD !*****

Megamind was feeling amazing as he began to slip from sleep and felt something wonderful happening to his lower body. As his consciousness came to full alertness, he realized Roxanne was the one causing his sensations. She really had learned so well how to make him feel good.

Roxanne had swallowed hie member and was working him with her throat as he woke. She knew when he was waking as his legs shifted and the moaning became more pronounced. She felt his hadn move to the side of her head and stroke it as he enjoyed her movements. She smiled around his cock and redoubled her efforts, rubbing the underside with her tongue. One thing she loved about him, she found that his species was much more sensitive, so it was a little easier to make him feel good.

He loved how attentive she was and would be forever grateful for her willingness to do these things for him. He always worried that he wasn't attractive enough to her and she only did this out of obligation to him, but she always assured him that she found his blue skin to be a turn-on, and she never failed to express her joy at his usual smell, a mixture of machine oil, metal shavings, and sometimes the odd smell that permeated his chem. lab.

Feeling himself come close, he fisted her hair and the sheet beside him. He knew she recognized what that meant, and she stopped moving her head at that point and just worked him in her throat. That did it for him and he shot off in her throat with a grunt of joy.

Swalloing, she slowly worked herself off of him, making sure to keep licking until her lips popped off, she came up and looked in his eyes with a mischievous smirk. Purring out a chuckle, she said, "Good morning."

Without a word, he flipped her on her back and dove down on her own sex. She gasped at the long tongue that shot from his mouth and filled her hole. She had mentioned it many times how much she loved that it almost seemed like his people had been made for sex with all the little things his body would do during. The way his tongue could come out further during sex was just a blessing to her.

Feeling adventurous, he took his tongue out and brought it down further and tongued her asshole. She let out a little squeak, always surprised when he did this. She hadn't always like it at first, but over time it had worked its way in and he had figured out how to make it get her almost screaming. Working his tongue all the way up to her clit, then back down to her asshole, and back again, he pleased her entire lower body and had her moaning very loudly.

When her body started the spasms that preceded her release, he clamped his mouth over her entire cunt and tongued her clit while sucking. She loved how this felt and screamed out her orgasm, filling his mouth with wet secretions.

Tonguing her for a few moments after her orgasm ended, he removed his mouth, kissed her pussy, then moved his kisses up her body to look her in the eyes, replying to her earlier comment, "Good morning to you, too."

She laughed breathily and said, "I suppose you say that to all the girls."

He smirked and said, "Only the nosy reporters who have a thing for devilishly handsome blue aliens with IQ's higher than some countries."

She rolled her eyes and said, "I would say gloating isn't a good look for you, but I'd be lying. You really do make gloating look good. I kind of want to try it myself."

He kissed her breasts and said, "If you looked any better, I think my heart would stop."

She hugged his head as he sucked on her nipples and moaned, "You are such a flatterer. Don't you dare stop."

He started whispering sweet nothings into her ear as his brought his hand down to her nether regions and rubbed her, moving her wetness around and getting her worked back into a frenzy. She held onto his neck and moaned, wondering how anybody could make another person feel so good. In return, she removed one of her arms and brought it down to cup his dick, rubbing it all over, gently manipulating the enormous balls that hung below. Knowing this was about to stretch her so thoroughly brought on a fresh wave of wetness that soaked her below.

Feeling as though the time was nigh, she pushed on his shoulder and rolled him onto his back. Wanting to retain the lead she had started with, she maneuvered herself into position and ribbed along his length. Knowing he loved this, she enjoyed his breath hitching and the unsteady breathing it caused him. Finally, when she could no longer wait, she brought the tip to her entrance and pushed backward.

He felt her lips resisting his entrance, as though saying he was too big, but his desire would not be deterred. With a determined grunt, the two pushed together and he sank straight to the deepest part of her, making her screech just slightly. It was amazing to watch her reactions, and he loved it almost as much as he enjoyed the feel inside of her.

Both a little impatient, they began to work in tandem and set a rather fast pace, the primal urges overtaking them as their thrusts matched up. It was years of practice but they were very in sync with each other. The way her folds wrapped and massaged the ridges of his cock was unexplainable and he merely enjoyed the of it without trying to quantify it. For her, the ridge of his cock was perfect along her folds, hitting almost every one and setting off her nerve-endings like it was made for her cunt.

For a few minutes they just rutted against each other, lost in the sensations. Soon, he was about to spill inside her and she was feeling her own orgasm coming. When it hit the two of them, their bodies felt white-hot and every nerve-ending seemed to come alive as they kissed passionately and grunted into each other's mouths. The feel of his seed pouring into her core was incomparable. He couldn't imagine anything could feel better than the way her muscles squeezed his girth to milk everything they could.

When it ended, they didn't stop, jut moved right toward the next release. Roxanne was forever grateful for whatever being created his race and that the males of his species could apparently come more times than a human male ever could in such a short time. They had found he did have a limit, but it was well above any man she had ever been with.

Continuing the thrusting, Megamind decided to take the lead now, and yanked himself out, her lips trying to suck him back in as he popped out. She almost yelled at him for denying her continued pleasure, but he grabbed her by the waist, flipped her onto her stomach, then roughly yanked her up by her waist and slammed back in. She actually lost her breath with the force of it all and worked to catch it back up as he slammed into her from behind, now.

With a dark look, he wet two fingers, rubbed them over her ass, then thrust into her asshole. She was so lost in all the sensations that she completely forgot anything but what her body was feeling and lost herself to the sensations, involuntarily contracting her vaginal muscles around him.

That did it for him and he spilled into her a second time. When she felt the copious fluids flood her insides, she followed again, clamping down so tightly on his dick that he couldn't actually move it in or out, just jerk his tip deep inside her, feeling like she was sucking out the marrow from his bones.

When he finished, he remained inside her and turned her over, then laid on his back with her on top of him, his hardness still sheathed inside her.

 *****LEMON END LEMON END LEMON END LEMON END LEMON END LEMON END LEMON END*****

They both laid there satisfied. Roxanne basked in the afterglow and said tiredly, "I wish that was all I had to do for the rest of our lives. I think that would be the ultimate existence."

Megamind laughed and said, "Well I can't say it would be a bad way to spend an eternity, but I think this right here is just as nice. I like just being near you no matter what we're doing together."

Roxanne felt a slight sting of tears trying to come out, but she kept them in and just replied instead, "I'm really happy to hear that. I guess it really doesn't matter what we do as long as we're together. It just feels SO GOOD…"

They snuggled for a while until she heard an alarm go off somewhere. They both worried for a moment that the proximity alarm had been triggered until they realized it was coming from Roxanne's phone. Looking over at it she saw the time and groaned. Rolling off of him she missed the connection immediately, but knew that she had best get moving otherwise she would be late and get reprimanded. She had already done that a couple times and it led her to having to do some really nasty pieces as punishment to remind her that she did indeed have responsibilities. Besides, she truly did love her job. She also knew she would have to cover her lover's escape the night prior and she did get something of a thrill knowing the truth while everyone else floundered to figure out the truth.

She reported honestly, not wanting to let her bias of her lover slant her stories, but she never used her insider information that she would not have had if she wasn't dating him. Instead she still did all the legwork as though she were still in the dark like anybody else. It was good practice anyway for her real stories that weren't about the city's resident aliens. They were mostly a sideshow at this point that gave everyone something to look forward to in their boring lives. She had been surprised before she started dating him how often people talked excitedly about the battles between the two offworlders, loving the 'struggle of good and evil.' It had actually given them hope apparently.

After finding out the truth of their struggle, she had started to lose hope, actually. Realizing that he had actually just been unfairly judged and backed into a corner by the sheep citizens, she was losing her faith in humanity. It was surprisingly Megamind who had restored it. She had asked him why he never hurt those people who had caused him so much pain and suffering. She even said she wouldn't blame him. Megamind had said something surprising to her.

" _I thought of that. Obviously," he gave a cocky grin and she rolled her eyes as he continued. "I figured I had a right to my revenge on those who had wronged me just because I'm different. I even planned what I thought would make me feel better, the pain and torture I could inflict. The problem was, even in my head when I committed those truly brutal acts of revenge that I figured would sate my hatred, all I felt was emptiness. Sure I got a smile for a moment, making them beg for mercy and understanding my pain, but it faded fast. Afterward I realized I would just be hated more. It wouldn't change what they did, and while it felt wrong that they got away with what they did with no kind of punishment, what was done was done. Instead I resolved to just stay away from those people who caused me pain and heartache. As it turns out, basically everybody does that except minion and my family at the prison, so the only people I ever spend time with are Minion and criminals who treat me better than any of these so-called 'good citizens.'"_

The pain she felt for him at that time had been almost unbearable and she had resolved to make him understand what it felt like to be loved by somebody besides Mininon and the surprisingly kind criminals he grew up with. She had actually gone to the prison a few times since when a prisoner had requested an interview with someone in the media since she felt like she owed them some gratitude for providing her lover some kind of familial comfort growing up. She was now something of a beloved celebrity in the prison. She had even met a few of them after they were released and helped them out with getting settled back into society.

Megamind was definitely saddened by the loss of contact, but he had learned long ago that he had to let her live her life. They had argued about it a few times, him saying she was putting herself in too much danger and that he ould provide for her and she didn't need to work. She had balked at that, telling him that she was not housewife and she had dreams of her own. She had cut him down to size, reminding him that she let him pursue his dangerous and admittedly stupid obsession of being a 'villain' as she realized that that was his passion. She expected the same courtesy.

Sighing, he asked, "You did make sure you put in for the time off you'll need for our vacation, right?"

She rolled her eyes and grinned, saying, "Yes, for the tenth time."

"Thirteenth," he corrected with a smirk.

She threw up her hands and let out a frustrated yelp and, not taking his obvious bait, responded, "Thirteenth time. It was my idea, after all. You just worry about making sure you don't have any plans in the works until _after_ we get back. I'm holding you to that promise of taking a break."

He laughed and said, "I know you will. Otherwise you get to ban me from any inventing for a month."

She got dressed and ready for work, Megamind watching her intently. He enjoyed watching her grooming habits, finding it adorable that she thought she needed to do anything at all. In reality, he just felt she was covering up her natural beauty. He supposed that was only to his benefit, though, as other men would not be able to see what hey were missing and try to woo her away from him. He still worried that someday she would decide he wasn't 'good enough,' or bad enough as it were, and would go for a normal human man instead. Hell, even Metro Man seemed human enough if you got past the superpowers.

When she was ready, she turned to him and said, 'Alright, I'm heading back to my apartment and then I'm off to work. I'll see you later tonight. I love you."

He always swelled with pride and joy at those words from her, and he replied, "And I love you, too. Be careful."

She waved off his warning and said, "If I did that, I wouldn't be the city's top reporter. I've gotta dig into the dark depths of the world to find the truth."

He worried about that, but knew she really did understand the risks. Having been sufficiently cut down for this argument long ago, he said, "Still be careful."

She smiled, walked over to him, gave him a kiss and said, "Okay. I'll make sure that anything I do that's dangerous, I'll do it the safest way possible."

He chuckled and said, "I suppose that's the best I'll get. Have fun."

She smiled then went off to the high-speed cart he had set up for her. Strapping in and closing the pod, she braced and was off. It was about a three minute trip, and once she was home, she quickly and stealthily exited the hidden entrance and made her way outside to her car. She knew this necessary to keep up appearances even if it was a pain. She truly hoped that one day he would find a way to clear his name and they could give up the pretense. For now, she just made the best of their situation. And she had to admit, it was pretty damn good.


	5. Chapter 4

**A?N: All right, so I'm currently up to partially into chapter 7. I have an idea where I want to go, so I'll work on it as I get motivated, but I am a lazy person by nature and work mostly on inspiration, thus why I have never actually finished anything other than oneshots. I hope to finish this one since I know basically what I want to happen, but I have work, and I have other things I like to do so I can't promise anything. Also, I do not have a beta, so this is all first rough draft. I have so little patience for editing my own work, so you're getting this just as it spilled out of my head. If you have any suggestions, please leave a review. I plan to go back and rewrite the whole thing and just change out the chapters, so look for that in the future.**

 **Chapter 4**

When Roxanne returned to Evil Lair after work, she was exhausted and she was looking forward to a full night of dead sleep. She got off the cart expecting to find Minion and Megamind eating dinner.

She did not expect to see a giant robot terrorizing the Evil Lair and the pair fighting it off. Not sure what was going on, she yelled to them, "What the hell is going on?!"

Looking over at his woman, Megamind's face lit up and he yelled back, "Oh, hey honey! Uh just some… housekeeping?"

She was surprised and nonplussed all at once. She had no clue what was happening here, but she was also used to his shenanigans, so all she could do was to run toward the panic room and hide. She was halfway there when she saw the de-gun lying underneath a table. Running to it, she retrieved it and checked it. It was currently set to dehydrate. Cycling it, she settled on de-stroy and ran back to the battle.

She rounded a corner and saw the pair were trying to subdue the robot. She shouted out, "I got the de-gun!"

Megamind snapped his head in her direction, and with a look of triumph he yelled, "Yes! Oh you are amazing Roxanne! Now-"

"Don't worry, I set it to de-story! I'll just-"

"NO! Don't use that setting, I've never gotten it quite right! It has a tendency to… blow up…"

Roxanne growled in frustration and yelled back, "Well then what setting do you recommend, de-coupage?!"

Megamind looked like he had an idea and said, "YES! Yes set it to de-coupage and immobilize it!"

She was baffled, but did as he said. As soon as she pulled the trigger, it had a stronger kick than she expected, but it shot out a viscuous, opaque fluid that launched at the robot. It began to cover the machine, seemingly having no effect. She didn't let go of the trigger until the robot was nearly completely covered, wondering how it was managing to keep spurting out liquid like a horny teenager with no apparent reservoir.

After a few moments, the robot began to slow in its movements, and kept slowing more and more until it was no longer moving and all they could hear was the robot's parts trying to move but meeting too much resistance. Watching for a few moments to be sure it was well and truly stuck, Megamind let out a huge sigh of relief and looked joyously over to his lady. She was still completely confused and asked, "Now why the hell was that thing attacking? Did someone find the lair?!"

He laughed and said, "Like I said, it was just some housekeeping. I've been securing some of my more… dangerous inventions. That happens to be a robot that learns. I had planned to use it against Metro Man, however it has a tendency to… destroy things to accomplish its goals without any worries about what its destroying, so I never used it. I was just trying to move it when we accidentally activated it and it… well you saw what it did. Anyway, thanks to you, we stopped it. I need to figure out what to do with it. It's rather dangerous, and I'm considering destroying it."

Roxanne couldn't agree more, but just let her body relax and said, "Well here's the de-gun back. I hope you keep a better grip on it next time."

Megamind nodded somberly and said, "Yes, I wouldn't want to lose this. It's come in very handy when citizens get in the way of my plans. I've robbed many a-"

Roxanne put her fingers in her ears and repeated, "LALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

Megamind watched her antics and, while she was very serious, she looked very adorable at that moment. Grinning, he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her and hugged her, smelling her hair and enjoying the closeness. When she removed her fingers he said into her hair, "All right, dear, I won't tell you about my more questionable tactics. I'll just say thank you for the assistance. I would probably have figured out how to stop it, but it would have required much more destruction and probably significantly more pain."

She smiled into his neck and said, "I still hold out hope sometimes that you'll give up your bad ways and just go legit, but even if you don't I'm still gonna love you, I'll just have to ignore some of the things you do."

He secretly agreed with her, but he didn't know if it would ever happen. He honestly never thought toward the future farther than he wanted her in his. After that, his life was too hectic to make any plans. He just hoped he could be enough for her and that he could finally bring the fabled hero in tights to his knees.

Since it was dinner time, he and minion finished up their cleaning for the day and went to the kitchen. Roxanne begged off to go to bed. Megamind promised to join her shortly.

When she was in bed and the two of them were in the kitchen, he asked Minion, "Do you think we can ever do it?"

Minion wasn't sure exactly what he meant, and asked, "What, you mean sex? I'm pretty sure I just reprimanded you for that last ni-"

Megamind shook his head and said exasperatedly, "No, Minion, not sex. I believe I am very proficient at _that_. I mean do you think we can ever go straight? Give up this game of villainy and just… be another pair of citizens?"

Minion didn't say anything for a while and Megamind figured he was being polite by not saying no. He was about to let out a dejected sigh when Minion spoke up. "Last week, you helped that couple find their dog."

Megamind had completely forgotten about that. It had been when he and Roxanne had been taking a walk in the park and saw a couple calling out for their dog. Megamind hadn't really cared until Roxanne said they should help. It had turned out the dog was _getting busy_ behind a bush with a local stray. The couple had been very appreciative for their help, and had also taken in the stray as well. Megamind had felt some stirrings of something watching their relief at finding their dog, but had not really known what it meant.

Minion continued. "I've also seen you not scowling at every person we pass, and you haven't even really ranted about the 'mindless drones of this city' for a couple weeks, now. Granted you've been busy what with the scheme and all, but even then you usually rant while you work. I think, sir, that Miss Ritchi has been subtly influencing you- not on purpose, but just the way she is- and you've been… happier. I thought it was you going soft, at first, but Your plans are even more energized lately. You may have softened your hatred, but you're as sharp as ever, sir. You seem to have something more to live for than just your anger and hatred. I don't know if you'll ever go straight, but I can see you giving up the villainy some day, yes."

Megamind considered his servants… no, his friends advice. He sometimes forgot that Minion was more than a tool, he was very intelligent in his own right, and he often took this for granted, entrusting the operations of some of his plans while he did the showier things. Realizing just how valuable the fish was, he said, "Minion?"

Minion looked back at him from his cooking and said, "Yes, sir?"

"You are a fantastic fish, Minion. And more than that, you are a fantastic friend."

The fish regarded him for a moment, and then smiled and said, "Thank you, sir. I am honored."

Megamind waved off the sentiment and said, "Minion, you need not be honored, because I am honored by your devotion and sticking with me through all the crazy plans and the dark times. Most others would have given up, but you've spent… what is it now, 32 years dealing with all my crap? If I died tomorrow, I think I could hang my hat on that accomplishment alone. The fact that I managed to attain such loyalty from another being of such intelligence."

The fish turned away and said with a cracked voice, "Well you're welcome, sir. Anyway, your fish filet is almost done."

Megamind thought about the irony of that. A fish cooking fish, but he also knew that Minion was a carnivorous fish who ate other fish, so he held no qualms about it. It had actually been hi who suggested the fish dish the first time they had it. He'd been curious about how humans prepared their fish and if it was as delicious as eating them raw. Since then they had both come to enjoy the fine culinary preparations of fish this world had to offer.

With dinner finished, he went back to his and Roxanne's room with a piece of cake to share with her. He smiled at the thought of calling it their room and not just his. They really did live together at this point, she just couldn't move her stuff out of her apartment since they needed to keep up appearances in case somebody came looking for her. He frowned at the thought that they couldn't just be together. Maybe he really was holding them back with all his criminal activities. It seemed like it was time to look into legitimately trying to change his situation, though he didn't know how he would do that and still get Wayne. He just couldn't get over that, and he had to get back at the bastard for all the pain and suffering he'd caused the blue genius.

Shaking the thoughts away for now, he came into the room and intended to roust Roxanne to share the cake with her, but found she just looked to peaceful, completely dead to the world around her. He realized just how much she trusted hi that she let her guard down so completely around him. Setting the cake down, he leaned over and scooted her over enough for him to get in bed with her. She let out a loud snort as he resituated her and he couldn't help the laugh that barked out. It was just so… normal of them.

And he didn't know he'd ever want it any other way.

Finally the day had come. They had packed away all his more dangerous inventions in a secure vault, Roxanne had made sure she let all her sources know that she would be out of town for a couple weeks, her boss knew she was NOT TO BE DISTURBED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, lest he suffer painful death and torture, and she had let her sister know where she was going just in case something went wrong, Once again giving her the same message she had given her boss. Her mother wanted to know what was going on with her lately, but she just said she needed a getaway from the stresses of her daily life, and this _was_ her first vacation in years, after all.

Megamind was talking with Minion about what to do in case of emergencies.

"Alright, my friend. I set our watches to have a direct link to each other, obviously, and I will try to contact you once a day at least to keep in touch. If you're sure you want to go off on your own, I'm ok with that, just…"

The fish smiled and said, "Sir, I know you're worried about not being with me, but I promise I'll be there as soon as I can if you tell me you need me. I think it'll be good for us to be able to do something separate from each other. Besides… I trust Miss Ritchi to take care of you just fine. She does understand self-sufficiency after all, unlike some people…"

Megamind rolled his eyes at the jab and said, "Yes, yes, fine. Just make sure you can still handle eating raw fish like a normal member of your species. Maybe you're too spoiled by your tempura battering…"

The two joked with each other, but this was the first time they had voluntarily split apart since they came to earth. It was indeed monumental to them, akin to a teenager leaving home for the first time when they move out. No, they weren't moving away from each other, but for them, they had never truly had a home besides each other. Evil Lairs had come and go, but the constant in their lives was each other. They were understandably nervous that this would not work out.

Roxanne came to assuage their fears and interjected, "Relax, boys. I promise we'll all be fine. The point of a vacation is to _relax_. Stressing about it before you even go just defeats the purpose. When we all come back, we'll be rested and reinvigorated, ready to attack new challenges like we'd just… well like we'd just taken a vacation."

The two smiled, enjoying her comforting. They had only each other before, but with her around now, now they could get another viewpoint to see things from. They were infinitely grateful that the reporter had seen fit to look past the obvious façade and see who they truly were underneath.

Shaking hands, Megamind and Roxanne got onto one jetbike while Minion got on another. With a last look, the two bikes rose simultaneously, then shot off in different directions once they cleared the roof.

Megamind had managed to install the invisibility system from the Hudson and they were safe from prying eyes, but he couldn't stifle the noise without compromising speed. So people in the area heard the roaring of a jet engine but could not spot anything to create the disturbance. Most figured a plane was up in the clouds too high to see, but there were no clouds in the sky, so the people who noticed the incongruity were baffled.

As they cleared the city limits, The pair relaxed a little seeing it shrink in the rearview. Laughing suddenly, Roxanne felt the exhilaration of leaving home to spend time somewhere that was new and exciting, with the promise of returning to normalcy soon enough, newly refreshed and invigorated.

Megamind suddenly thought her joy must be infectious, since he let out a 'whoop' of joy with her and rolled down the window. Turning on the stereo, he blasted out one of his favorite songs, Paradise City by Guns N Roses. They both screamed with joy and rocked along to the song while they flew.

As wrapped up in their joy as they were, Megamind did not notice they were being followed. It seemed like this would be an even more interesting trip than they'd expected.

When the duo landed, they had reached their destination in less than two hours. The trip had been filled with rambunctious laughter and teasing. One thing Megamind had always appreciated was Roxanne's sarcastic wit. She could cut him deep when she had been against him, and now she just managed playful teasing that he enjoyed. Perhaps not as interesting as trying to spar with Metro Man, but they were two very different kinds of banter. One led to destruction and imprisonment, and the other led to some very interesting bedroom play.

They exited the jetbike and Roxanne quickly took in the smells and stretched her aching muscles. She loved being out here in nature, and with their aerial view, they had managed to land right in a great spot to set up camp. Seeing the signs of previous campers, she wondered if maybe they were too exposed, but she figured they hadn't seen anybody in the area with their pass over and felt like this would be a good spot. Perhaps those sings were years old, since this was not an overly popular destination for camping, a ways out of the way. She did enjoy the access her boyfriends inventions could provide them.

Megamind slowly exited and took in their surroundings. He saw the signs of previous campers too, but he had already addressed that with Roxanne. Instead he focused on the environment. The smell was... definitely not what he was used to. It was clear of the usual smoky, heavy smell, easy to breathe, and smelled much like the lumber he used to build his inventions or work on his lair. He wasn't sure how he felt about it for now, but it was definitely interesting. He liked that they had a rather large clearing to see if any wildlife came at them. Also he had seen a river nearby that Roxanne said would provide plenty of water for them. They just had to boil it and strain it through some sand and rocks before they could drink it. She assured him that it was fun. He figured, like everything else about this, he would see.

What truly shocked him, though, was her ownership of guns. He had always thought she was a typical city-dwelling human who seemed to despise weaponry. She had explained that not everyone hated them, she just had no particular love or hatred of them. These had been given to her by her father for hunting, and she had decided to keep them with her when she moved out. When he asked about them, she had shown them to him. One was a rather well-used, but still well-maintained lever action .30-30 that she said they would use to kill a deer for food, and the other was a .44 magnum revolver which she explained was for protection against attacking wildlife. She had also ,uttered that it would be useful if any less scrupulous humans came upon them and tried to cause problems, though she had not sounded excited by the idea. He reminded her that in either case, he would prefer to use his de-gun to dehydrate them instead and release them later where they would not cause either of them trouble.

He was about to ask her what to do first when a voice rang out that cause his blood to run cold and boil at once.

"What are you planning now, you crazed criminal?"


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

He swung around and brought out his de-gun to point at the brutish oaf out of sheer annoyance. He had learned long ago that it was useless on him, but he felt better bringing it out anyway, if for no other reason to not appear to back down.

Roxanne saw where this was heading and cut if off right at the knees. "Wayne, stop! He didn't kidnap me, and this isn't a scheme. We've been dating for the last three years, and we're on vacation!"

Wayne Scoot, for all his powers, was at a loss as to what to do. He figured this must be some kind of trick. He would have noticed if she was dating the city's resident super villain who kidnapped her every time he had a new scheme… right?

She knew he was doubting her, and she headed that off, too. "No, he's not controlling my mind, no, I'm not under duress, and no we haven't been in cahoots. I legitimately let him do his thing separately from me when it comes to his schemes and I report on them like I should. My only cop out is that I don't use my insider info to report on his crimes."

Wayne was absolutely stunned by all this, and lowered himself to the ground, ignoring Megamind who barely moved other than to keep his de-gun trained on the hero. Roxanne looked over and scoffed, then walked over and grabbed it from his hands, saying, "Oh let it go. You know that won't help. He's probably too stunned right now anyway to do anything. Why don't you go get everything out of the jetbike and I'll talk to him." Megamind looked like he was about to protest and she kept control by saying, "No arguing, I can handle this. It's inconvenient, but we'll be fine. Go do this… for me? Please?"

Finally Megamind took his eyes off the bane of his life to look at the love of his life. She looked like she was pleading with her eyes for him to trust her. Scowling, he kissed her hard on the lips, partly to show Metro Man that yes, he could get someone to love him, and partly to remind her that he loved her and to remind her that she loved him. He walked away over to the bike and started pulling out the things she had packed.

Walking over to a downed tree, she sat down and patted the spot beside her to indicate he should follow. He wasn't sure what the hell was going on, but he followed her instruction. She let him think for a couple minutes until he finally spoke up. "So you were never in any danger?"

She laughed and said, "Well I suppose you already know the answer if you really thought about it. But what you're probably asking is if it was ever real. Like I said, we've only been dating for about three years now. He's been kidnapping me for… four now? It developed during some of those kidnappings."

He looked absolutely befuddled by this and he asked, "So you have Stockholm syndrome?"

She grimaced and said, "No, Wayne, this is no some fling or some kind of trick. I just realized more about him than anyone else. He always treated me so well when he kidnapped me, and he was very interesting when we talked while he held me before the actual schemes. It turned out that he was kidnapping me way too early so we could spend a little extra time together, though he'd never have admitted that back then. He just said it was easier and made for less variables when the time came for the actual plan. While I waited, I noticed things that caught my attention about him, and over time well… I guess I just became attracted to him."

"But he's the bad guy!"

"No he's not, Wayne, and you damn well know it!"

Wayne was visibly shaken by her outburst. Why was she defending him, the man who had eighty life sentences to his name? Who constantly put the people of the city in harm's way? Who had every intention of taking over the city? He asked her this and she laughed mirthilessly.

"You should know, he has no interest in the city. He only says that to get you fired up enough to come stop him. He doesn't want anything to do with power, he just wants respect. Something you denied him back at that sorry excuse for a school you both went to."

He took offense to that and sniped back, "Hey, that school was a great place! They always treated us well, he just couldn't help causing trouble and-"

"And that 'teacher,'" She put air quotes around teacher to indicate her opinion of her holding the title, "should have been fired and never allowed near another child again. Do you even realize he was just trying to help? To fit in? He was a fucking alien who had lost his entire race and was in some strange place where he looked like nobody there! You should have been his best friend, but no you were a fucking spoiled little brat who-" she stopped her tirade and dialed herself back, remembering who she was talking t. Calming herself with a breath, she started again. "He was scared, lonely, and had no friends other than a fish his parents had given him. Granted it was a sentient fish, but still. Anyway, when you all pushed him away, how did you think he would respond? He realized how good he was at being bad, and so he did what he knew he was good at. If he couldn't have your friendship, then he'd get your respect. Even if the way to getting that was fear. You may not have meant to, Wayne, and I know that, but you pushed him into being who he is now."

Wayne's world (heh!) was so rocked that he wasn't sure what any of his past actually meant anymore. Looking back, he realized nobody was ever hurt during one of his schemes, no matter how destructive they actually were. Megamind always steered clear of citizenry, and even when people were affected, none of them were hurt, rather just inconvenienced.

He looked over at his blue nemesis, who refused to look over at them, and wondered what it must be like to live with everyone hating him? Why had he been so ignorant of his fellow aliens circumstances. He had grown up in a prison, for fuck's sake! What kind of government allowed that? What must his upbringing have been like?

He sat back against the log and asked Roxanne, "So why haven't you tried to convince him to let this all go?"

She laughed loudly at that and replied, "You think I haven't? No, I tried, but he's determined to finally, and I quote, 'put a dent in the pretty-boys smug face and prove to the cheep of this city that he's not some kind of god.' Personally I've told him that it shouldn't matter, but he truly hates you, Wayne. I've wanted to, for his sake, but I think you're just too thickheaded to realize what you're doing."

"Hey!"

"Oh relax big guy. You are thickheaded sometimes. You may be smart, but you didn't even notice we've been dating for three years and you've seen us together when you come to rescue me. He's always so careful with me, and he always makes sure that I'm in no danger so you can rescue me first. You never ask other people about themselves, you just save them and rush off. You give out pretty speeches and make people feel secure, but do you truly care about any of them on a personal level?"

He took a long hard look at himself thanks to her words. Roxanne was called over by Megamind who had unpacked everything. Wayne stayed where he was and thought about what she'd told him.

Over at the supplies, Roxanne pulled out the tent and began to show him how to set it up. They avoided talking about the situation as the set it up. When they had it all up, however, they turned to each other. Growling in frustration, Megamind ranted, "Why did he have to come here? I was so looking forward to it being just us, and that jackass just _had_ to come here and bring us down with his ridiculous presence!"

Roxanne suddenly wrapped her arms around him and shushed him. He tried to speak, but she just raised the volume of her shushing and he stopped talking and hugged her. Why did that man have to ruin everything for him?

Roxanne understood his frustration, shared it even, but she knew there was nothing they could do about it for now. All she could do was to get Metro Man to back off for the time being so they could enjoy their vacation. This was about them, after all, not him. She would help her lover get past his anger so he could enjoy this with her. He needed it, and she would be damned if Wayne was going to fuck it up. Pulling back and holding his shoulders, she said, "Don't worry about it, for now. I'll get him to back off so we can just be us for now, ok?"

He wanted to shout and rant and rave, and launch into an evil monologue about taking over Metrocity and how he would kill this false idol. However he knew she really wanted this to go well, and he so wanted it to as well, so he took a deep breath, and said, "I'll let you handle this. Just make him go away and not come back. I don't want to think about him while we're here."

Smiling, she kissed him, then turned and walked back to the city's hero who had yet to move from his position. He appeared deep in thought and not to pay any attention to her as she approached. She was about to clear her throat to get his attention, but he'd apparently heard it all as he said, "Don't worry, I'll leave you two alone for now. I need some time to think, anyway."

She rolled her eyes at his impolite eavesdropping, but let it drop as she didn't want to argue. Sighing, she reassured him, "Wayne, I think you meant well, I do, and I don't hate you like he did, but there was a reason I was never attracted to you. Yes, you are handsome, there's no point denying that, but you're so… self-absorbed that you never think about the deeper consequences beyond 'good will prevail.' The world's not black and white, Wayne. It's gray. It's gray, and muddy, and people aren't always what they seem. You should consider that while you leave us alone for now. Don't worry, we should be returning to our regularly scheduled programming in about a week and a half. He['ll go back to trying to destroy you, and you'll send him to jail, and he'll break out, and the cycle will continue. I won't interfere, and I won't help him do his illegal activities, but I'm not giving you any information, either. You'll have to keep doing things how you've always done them."

He looked at her pensively, appearing to want to say something, but then seemed to think better of it. Standing from where he was, he looked down at her and said, "Well then… I guess I hope you two enjoy yourselves. I'll just uh… go."

Roxanne smiled and said, "Goodby, Wayne. I'll see you when you rescue me again, I suppose."

He looked confused and said, "Why would I rescue from your boyfriend?"

She rolled her eyes and said, "It's all about appearances, Wayne. You wouldn't want your adoring public to think you wouldn't help an innocent reporter, would you? Besides, this way he doesn't have to kidnap someone else for real and it just minimizes the chance of someone getting hurt. I know the drill, by now, even if we weren't dating."

He just stared blankly at her, then nodded and took off without another word. She wasn't sure what to make of his attitude as he left, but she figured there was nothing she could do about it right now. Instead, she focused back on their reason for being here, which was to relax and have fun. Smiling, she turned to her boyfriend and said, "How about I teach you a little about whittling?"

Later in the day, after Megamind had relaxed after accidentally cutting himself while learning to whittle and Roxanne had admonished him about being distracted, they were now hiking into the woods a little bit to explore the area. Roxanne was doing everything she could to distract him, including a little bit of naughty fun, some basics about where to go to the bathroom, and how to set up a fire safely. Megamind had slowly let the permanent scowl fall from his face and relaxed into listening to his love explain the joys of camping. Once he'd let the anger die, he did see the appeal, or at least some of it, of coming out here away from everything.

The lack of ambient city noise was also something he was cherishing. His hearing was actually slightly better than a human's so all the noise did cause him to get headaches once in a while, and with a brain like his, a headache could be devastating. He enjoyed the trees rustling and the clean air. It was all so new to him. She'd even shown him some safe-to-eat plants, and he now realized that wild berries were going to have to become a more regular thing at Evil Lair.

She told him about how she had been warned away from the mushrooms by her father, citing that they were poisonous. She confided that she had guess that he really didn't want her getting addicted to them, and had in fact experimented with them in college. They could be fun, but it was risky since some mushrooms looked so similar to each other and yet one was poisonous while one was psychoactive. Megamind stored away the information she shared about which were which and planned to look into a scheme with them at some point. Just because the buffoon knew of their relationship now didn't in any way deflate his desires to cause him bodily harm. In fact, it seemed to fuel his fire and he wanted more than ever to knock him silly.

She convinced him to climb a tree with her, stating that every earth-dweller should experience the act at least once. Megamind was no stranger to climbing, and found it to be a rather tedious exercise, but he loved the youthful joy that shone on her face. If he had to endure a few pitch stains and irritated palms to see this, he would do it all the time.

They returned to camp and set up a fire pit, then Roxanne showed him the art of cooking things on a stick over an open fire. He thought it strange that people found this enjoyable, as inefficient as it was, but as they talked and he lost two separate hot dogs and then finally managed to cook one correctly, the sense of accomplishment and joy he felt from such a frivolous thing was much greater than expected.

Finally, when it came time to head to bed, Roxanne made him get in and told him to close his eyes and no peeking. Wondering what kind of camping surprise she had in store for him, he followed her instructions and laid down to wait for her to join him. When she entered he was brimming with anticipation over what new activity she had to show him, enjoying the stress free nature of nature. When she told him to open the, he definitely wasn't expecting what he saw.

She was wearing a sheer negligee and could see everything underneath as though she wore nothing. Grinning, she said, "And now the secret joy of camping- no reason to be quiet when nobody's around."

The night after that was endlessly wonderful and he was truly glad he had taken her up on this 'vacation.' They might just have to make this a regular thing.

* * *

Back in Metro City, Metro Man was out doing a patrol, although his heart wasn't really in it tonight. He flew past and watched as muggings happened, wondering what good it would do to stop them. These criminals were desperate enough to commit these crimes even knowing he could swoop in at any moment and stop them. So what if he stopped this one, the next one would still happen, and he couldn't be everywhere at once.

And even when he followed some of the muggers, he watched their actions. Some went back to families and gave the money to them, saying they had don an 'odd job.' Some went straight to a dealer and handed over a purse or wallet for a single hit of their drug of choice. Seeing some of them only managing to content themselves once they were high, and having seen the fear and anxiety that wracked them before, he wondered how it must be to live like that.

Even some of the dealers weren't always what they seemed. Some really did try to just make it through the day, and didn't appear to be living it up with all their drug money. Most were indeed the scum they appeared and he hauled those men right off to jail, however he was beginning to see what Roxanne meant. It wasn't always black and white. Homeless people who appeared to be attacking citizens then went off and began to do unexplainable things, like talking to inanimate objects, masturbating in public with no care when people saw them, or even just randomly screaming. He realized that some were just crazy, and they had just slipped through the cracks of the system and lived on the street with nowhere else to turn.

It was all so… so fucked up. There was no right answer. Sure, if he took them all to jail, they'd get into the system, and some would even stay in jail, however many would just be released, either good at lying to extricate themselves, or charismatic enough to play on their sympathies. For some it was a matter of sheer logistics, there not being enough space to hold them all. His head was starting to hurt with the almost circular logic. Bad guys should go to jail and be punished, but then they were a burden on the people, so they let them go, where they became a different burden on the people. He began to realize there was no winning this fight.

Realizing that he was having a crisis of faith in his belief structure that good must triumph, he called it a night and went back home, deciding that the city would survive the rest of this night without his aid. After all, none of this appeared to be a new problem and they got along before he came along. Why did they even need him?


End file.
